I have my own list of pet peeve useless inventions, but I think these two new ones take the piss (pardon the pun) a bit.
I present, EXHIBIT A: The Loo Reader
THE LOO READ: This ridiculous gadget is supposed to be 'perfect for reading papers in the loo'. Available in broadsheet or tabloid versions, it seems you can also use it to 'do puzzles or apply your make-up'. It 'provides a platform for almost anything'. £59.99, www.lazyboneuk.com .
Hmm - yes, I see. And even more handy is the fact that if you find yourself in a cubicle with no toilet paper, you can then use the choice article you have just read, and wipe your sweet cheeks with it.
EXHIBIT B: The Thumb Thingy
THUMBTHING: Billed as 'a brilliant new invention for reading books', it's a device that you clip over your thumb so you can read with just one hand - and eat or hopefully do something more productive with the other. £8.76 for pack of four, www.thumbthing.com
Ah yes! Every one needs a pack of 4! Seeings as we only have 2 thumbs. Brilliant.
Who comes up with these things? And why?
I have 2 fave useless inventions, that have made it really big. So some dude made seeeriouss bucks from inventing these 2 useless (in my humble opinion) inventions.
No 1: The travellator thingy. Only ever seen at airports. In the widest of spaces. Where you have room for 2 travellator thingys going in opposite directions PLUS oodles of room for the gazillions of people who choose not to travel on the travellator thingy. Now escalators I understand. They take you somewhere at least - either up or down a level. But the travellator? What is the point?? They don't even travellate you right to the gate at the airport. They are just randomly placed, in the middle of nowhere, for a very short section. Have you ever noticed, where they are, that they are usually empty and everyone is choosing to walk? Duh - I wonder why.... maybe because THEY.DO.NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!
No.2: Nappy bins. These have to be the **kakkest** invention ever! (You see what I did there?) I remember getting one of these items at my baby shower. Man - I was excited. I mean - wow - a nappy bin! Sounds good on paper - you push used nappy into the bin that very neatly wraps it and seals it in the bin below. Et Voila! Stinky nappy gone to the conundrums without you having to walk it to the outside bin, right? WRONG!!! Fast forward 20 stinky nappies over several days. Firstly, you notice an odd odour when you walk into the nursery. You think, what could that be? Surely it's not that AWESOME nappy wrapping bin sitting so innocently in the corner? So you decide to walk closer, sniffing the air, which is getting more pungent the closer you get. You innocently open the lid and....oh-my-sweet-heavens-above!!! There aint NOTHING sweet coming from that bin! And then you have to empty the bin that has 4 days worth of festering nappies in it... really, WHAT.IS.THE.POINT??? I would far rather walk a fresh nappy to the outside bin daily, than walk a smouldering, stenching bag of stale nappies to the bin 4 days later!
So - what useless inventions get your goat? Do reveal the ones that you feel are as useful as a Solar Powered Torch. Or a Black Highlighter pen. Or a seat belt for Motorbikes. Or a pedal powered wheel chair. I could go on....